Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle.

James 1:17

 

As a child one of my favorite things to do was to look through the Sears catalog and dream of all the beautiful clothes and toys that could be mine. Brand new clothes, and an abundance of toys! So, you can only imagine my sheer joy when I woke Christmas morning with a living room jam packed with Christmas presents from Mormon missionaries. And, this was two years in a row! What a blessing.

Growing up in a community Where the majority of people around me were Mormon, encouraged me to want to feel invisible. I was the odd one out. I was very different, and it showed. 

Over the years as I have replayed the memory of being at BYU with the university student and wanting to be invisible; the fullness of it has not ever come back to me. But as I was talking to a friend the other day, I was reminded that the impact of this memory has occupied a large space in my mind. And, eventhough God has continually healed me, enormously restored me, famously rebuilt me, this memory still remains.  As I come before Him and humbly ask Him "what Jesus are you trying to tell me with this memory?"  I hear His whisper "You don't have to have every piece, to be whole in me." 

God holds me from seeing pieces of me, still, yet glimpses of the invisible, and He braves me on to walk in authentic courage. It's not that easy to move to visible courage everyday. But, His light is cascading down from the Father of Light, and there is nothing deceitful about that; it's all out there. When I ask to see the face of God, He shows me. He has not remained invisible to me, this is how I know He sees me.